that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
