I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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