so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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