Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
