The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
