Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
