I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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