piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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