May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
