just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
