Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
