If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
