Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I touched a dick in church today
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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