4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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