So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
