oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
