Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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