ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
