it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
