She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
