Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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