the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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