i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
