When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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