So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
