I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
