So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i came on her dog
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
