just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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