I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
