it hurts more in the daytime
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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