Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just found puke in my bra..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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