Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
