i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
