So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
