he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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