No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
