Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
