There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
