turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
