hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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