you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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