Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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