hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
