My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
