He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
