i think my mom watched the whole time
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
