so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
