Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
love makes seman taste better
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
