so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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