We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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