Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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